Start with a lumpy stick in your yard that you can smear things on. Hang it from a tree. Preferably within range of a hammock.
Hammock, tree, stick.
Take a dark ale (Guinness in this case), a bit of brown sugar, and a banana.
Blend thoroughly, preferably keeping the mixture of a syrupy consistency. Smear on stick hanging from tree. Enjoy from the hammock.
***
And this is where the instructions end. For normal people.
But, no, Matt and I had to be brave and attempt to *eat* durian. I mean, jackfruit and starfruit and lychees are pretty good. Durian? It's not really a fruit so much as a fibrous mush. If you like muted onion-ish garlic paste, it's the fruit for you! Sadly, Matt was unable to stomach much more than two nibbles. I managed to ponder the athletic-sock aroma for a bit longer before deciding that instead of throwing it away, we might as well feed it out. Hence, this is a butterfly-food post.
Guinness, brown sugar, durian fruit, with a token banana to mock the experiment.
Once blended, it looks a bit like vomit and doesn't smell much better. One brave Hackberry Emperor decided that it was ok and a stink bug of some sort decided to investigate as well. The yellow-jackets, though interested, kept a good distance. I wouldn't be surprised if the squirrels boycotted us or died (they usually enjoy the beer/sugar/banana mix). Silly durian, made of toxic fart-smell.
We'll just leave the final concoction thumbnail sized, for your sake. Good thing this page isn't scratch-and-sniff, eh?
Maybe if the squirrels would stop stealing rotting fruit, we'd be able to go back to citrus slices and watermelon rinds and other such mushy sugar sources.
PS - This post is entitled "butterfly feeding," because it would otherwise have been "Matt and Heidi's Awesome Adventures with Beer and VomitFruit" (and who on earth would would make the connection?)
Posts
ACK! Durian!
ReplyDeleteAs a member of our local fruit and vegetable society,we made ice cream as a fundraiser one year.Things went swimmingly until the Durian fruit came out.We actually made ice cream with it and I was one of two people in the group foolish enough to try the fruit as we prepared it.It tasted like rotten onions and that taste remained for several days despite all attempts at brushing ,scrubbing and scraping it out. Never again!
BTW its raining cats and dogs here.Am a bit worried for our friends who were doing quite well this morning feasting on grapes when I left them.
Am waiting out rain by making guava jelly.Mango jam is already made. Want some?
Hahahahaha, sucker! Ahem, I mean, kudos to those of us willing to sacrifice some tastebuds and sanity in the name of having tried durian. We're a rare bunch, need to stick together... granted, without durian, we actually need garlic and silver crosses to ward off the vampires. Which is fine by me.
ReplyDeleteSurely rain will at least boost their foraging options after it lightens up. A new batch of mosquitos and a bit more leafing out for the local veg, no?
Mango is nirvana with a hairy pit. That just sounds so wrong, but heck yes I'd go for some! I'd even swap you eleventy-billion meyer lemons (great for jams!) when the parents' tree in Houston drops them... Otherwise, knobby avocados would be the only other tradable option.
Hey, thanks for the heads up on Durian.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna make a batch of Durian Muffins as soon as I finish this post...
For my Mother-In-Law. She'll eat anything.
I know it's true because she's already hoover'd out the content of my pantry. Who in their right mind would gnaw thru stale, three year old graham crackers? ;)
I'll let ya know how it goes.
Ahoy, Ronin, glad you ventured over =)
ReplyDeleteYour MIL must have intestines of steel: I once tried expired (but still sealed!) graham crackers that nearly induced projectile vomiting.
Uh, anyway, best of luck keeping your lunch down while they bake =)